A good many of us will hit the road this season in search of far-off destinations to chase fish with fly. While I can’t control the success of your trip, I can make the drive there more tolerable for the most important person in the car: the driver. For too long people have called shotgun without really thinking about what the job entails, and yes it is a job. If you want to be lazy, sit in the back and keep your mouth shut. If you’re going to sit up front, you best act like you deserve it. Here are some rules for your role on the road.
1. No sleeping, unless consent is given by the driver. If I don’t get to sleep behind the wheel, so neither do you.
2. Handle all navigation. This has gotten a lot easier with GPS, but if we get lost, I’m looking to my right because it is your fault.
3. Handle all musical requirements. This does not mean play whatever the hell you want. I don’t care how awesome the new track is you just downloaded. The driver has veto power in these situations.
4. No long, dramatic phone calls with your wife/girlfriend. Everyone in the car is in the doghouse with their significant other for the mere act of leaving. We don’t need to hear the aftermath of your “abandonment” the whole way there. This rule also holds for the opposite. Nobody wants to hear you cooing to your girl, and emasculating yourself for the sake of love. It’s a fishing trip for f’s sake.
5. Don’t look scared while I drive. There is nothing worse than looking over from the driver’s seat and seeing your passenger white knuckling in the face of imaginary impending doom. If you don’t like the way I drive, keep it to yourself. I’m driving.
6. Last but not least, it is your job to apply all mayonnaise to my cajun chicken biscuits (same goes for hot sauce and steak biscuits). I would do it myself, but I’m driving.
With these few simple rules, I’ll be more than happy to drive any of you anywhere…