Fly Tying Apathy of the Worst Order

An apathy has set in at my tying desk, and it reeks of stale alcohol and dried out epoxy. I have been snowed in for the past couple of days high atop the mountain in Dave-landia, and one would think that I would be swimming in my new pile of freshly tied hook and fur like Scrooge McDuck pulling a full gainer into his money bin. At last, my desk sits full of materials and no flies. I have attempted to motivate myself in the usual ways. Two days ago it was self-flagellation. I woke up, looked in the mirror and said to myself, “Dave, you are ugly, not worth a shit as a human being, and no one will like you unless you tie three dozen flies today.” I spent the rest of the day feeling pretty bad about myself…you know, my mom never hugged me enough type of stuff…and never got around to tying a single fly amongst all the self-loathing. So, yesterday I tried financial incentives. I told myself that I would tie flies on a bonus system similar to those Wall Street fellas. I then realized that I, like Wall Street, was paying out my own bonus, and tying it to performance wasn’t all that necessary. So I am now 20 dollars richer (took it out of wifey’s wallet), and I still haven’t tied a damn thing. Today I am withholding sex from myself until a dozen or so flies have been completed. I have high hopes for holding myself sexual hostage from myself, because if it doesn’t work, tomorrow I will try some new age positive reinforcement and spiritual centering…and we all know that crap never works.

– Dave

One thought on “Fly Tying Apathy of the Worst Order

  1. hey, have you thought that Lindsey might be the winner in your latest attempt at fly tying? obly thing that works is to come up with a dire need for the flies – like going to Louisiana to chase redfish and you want to hook them on your fly and not the darn fly the guide gives you, unless yours looks like shit or is the wrong color, which is why you tie a bunch o f different colors and they get better as you go and voila, now you have more flies than you need and you can sell them, give some to your guide ( I did) or use this as sick excuse to fo fishing again and catch anothe dozen reds.

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